Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
