Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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