i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
