Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
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