No stitches, just platelets and will power
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
