She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We are two peas in an std pod
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
