Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
