But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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