i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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