CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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