The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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