You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
