is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
