I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
