I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
