Her vagina should come with caution tape.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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