I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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