I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
