i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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