oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
