After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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