Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just gift wrapped bread.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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