I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize