I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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