Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
