Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
