No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize