I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
