He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
