3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
