What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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