So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
