Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
