I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
