im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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