LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
