Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you win again, gameday.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize