Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
