whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
