And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
