the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize