If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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