Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
