I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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