Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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