Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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