He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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