I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
