my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
