Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
