There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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