Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
