Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize