sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize