I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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