I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
