If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
