Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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