I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
