I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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