fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
