Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
