i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
