Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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