grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
