So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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