I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
