Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
