the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
