I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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