I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
