When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
