sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
