Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
