She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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