I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Randomize
