have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
