One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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