try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you traded sex for a burrito?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
