Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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