the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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